The Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony: Meaning, Steps and Which Tea to Serve

The Chinese wedding tea ceremony (敬茶, jing cha, "respectfully serving tea") is the moment when the bride and groom serve tea to their parents and elders, usually kneeling or bowing, to thank them and to be formally welcomed into each other's families. Elders drink the tea, offer blessings and give gifts, traditionally red envelopes (hong bao) or gold jewellery. Tea is served in order of seniority, starting with the groom's parents. The tea itself is often sweetened, commonly with red dates, lotus seeds or longan, to wish the couple a sweet life and many children. Customs vary by family and region, so always ask the elders.

This ceremony isn't about tea in the way a gongfu session is.

What the ceremony means#

Serving tea is a traditional way to show respect in Chinese culture. At a wedding, it expresses the couple's gratitude to their parents and marks the bride and groom being accepted into each other's families. For the elders, drinking the tea is a sign of acceptance and blessing.

When it happens#

Traditionally, the ceremony takes place on the wedding day, often in the morning at the groom's family home, and sometimes also at the bride's family home. Many modern couples hold it at the venue, before or during the reception, with both families together.

The order of serving#

A common order (families differ):

1. The groom's parents.
2. The groom's grandparents (in many families, grandparents come first).
3. The groom's older relatives: aunts and uncles, then older siblings and cousins.
4. The bride's parents and family, in the same order, often at the bride's home.

The rule of thumb: seniority first, and ask the family, because many have strong opinions.

How it's done: step by step#

1. Prepare the tea and set out a tea set, often red or decorated with the double-happiness character 囍.
2. The elders sit; the couple stands or kneels before them, traditionally with the bride on the left and the groom on the right.
3. The couple offers the cup with both hands, often saying "please drink tea" and addressing the elder by their family title.
4. The elder drinks, says a blessing, and gives a red envelope or jewellery.
5. Move to the next elder in order.

A helper, traditionally an older woman from the family or a professional attendant, often guides the couple and refills the cups.

Which tea to serve#

The symbolism matters more than the grade of tea. Common choices:

Whatever you choose, keep it mild and sweet: elders may drink many cups.

A simple wedding tea recipe#

For about 10 small cups:

• 5 g of a gentle red tea (or Tieguanyin), 6–8 dried red dates (split), a small handful of dried lotus seeds (soaked), rock sugar to taste, 1 litre of water.
• Simmer the dates and lotus seeds for 15–20 minutes, add rock sugar, then steep the tea in the hot (not boiling, about 85–90 °C) liquid for 2–3 minutes and strain.
• Serve warm in small cups; float a date or lotus seed in each if you like.

For elders who avoid caffeine, a sweet red date tea without tea leaves, or chrysanthemum with rock sugar, works well.

The tea set#

• A teapot and small cups, often red or with the double-happiness character.
• A tray to carry the cups.
• Small cups are best: elders drink a sip or a cup each. See Chinese tea cups.
• The set is often a gift from the bride's family and kept by the couple afterwards.

Etiquette tips#

• Use both hands when offering and receiving.
• Address each elder by their family title.
• Don't fill cups to the brim.
• Don't rush; it's a meaningful moment for the family.
• Let the family decide on kneeling, bowing or standing.

For mixed and modern families#

In many couples today, one side isn't Chinese. The ceremony can still work beautifully: explain it briefly to the other family, keep it short, and let both sets of parents take part.

Myths#

"There's one correct way to do it." Customs differ by region, dialect group and family.

"It has to be expensive tea." The gesture matters far more than the tea.

"It's the same as a gongfu tea ceremony." Gongfu is about brewing and tasting; the wedding ceremony is about respect and family. See the Chinese tea ceremony.

Practical advice#

If you're planning one, ask the eldest person in the family how they want it done, choose a simple sweet tea, and practise once with a real cup and a real kneel. The tea is the smallest part; the gesture is everything.

The bottom line#

In a Chinese wedding tea ceremony, the couple serves tea to parents and elders in order of seniority to thank them and be welcomed into the family; elders bless them and give gifts. Serve a mild, sweet tea, often with red dates and lotus seeds, in small cups. More on Chinese tea culture in my guide to the types of Chinese tea.

Read next: The Chinese Tea Ceremony and China's Ten Famous Teas.